Unsollicited Advice Part 1 - Books.

If you've met The Bug you already know, she's pretty awesome. At less than 16 months she's already a walking, talking, joke making, happy, social, thoughtful dynamo. In theory, as her dad I have something to do with. So before The Possum is born and successfully proves that I actually have no idea what I'm doing, I thought I'd do a bunch of posts that outline what has worked for The Bug, SC and I. This one is gonna focus on the books that we've found to be most helpful so far in no particular order.

Our Babies Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way we Parent

This books was huge for me. I had a lot of preconceived notions about what living with and raising a baby looked like and how things were supposed to be done. By putting child rearing advice in its cultural context and seeing how other cultures successfully bring up baby it really allowed me to consider all the options confidently. I'd recommend reading this book first as it will allow for a more critical reading of the other books on the list.

The Mother of All Pregnancy Books
She's not my favourite writer, but you need a reference for being pregnant, and "What to Expect When You're Expecting" is waaaaay worse. Also, this is a Canadian book, which if you're Canadian, makes this essential.

The Mother of All Baby Books

As above, but even less impressive. In fact, I can't remember having used this for the last 10 months. That said, I do remember using it heavily when The Bug was a newborn. Essential if you're Canadian.

The Birth Partner

Dad's to be, this is gonna scare the shit out of you. Read it, memorize it, do the prenatal work with your partner, and then don't be hurt when your partner's wants to hire a birth doula. I borrowed a friends copy for The Bug, but have picked up a copy of my own to prepare for The Possum's arrival. Yay perineum massages!

The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby From Birth to Age Two

From RN Martha Sears and MD William Sears (who have like, 8 children). This is our go to book for anything baby/toddler related. When we have questions this is the first book we go to. As with all baby books that try to answer questions like "what do I do when the baby won't stop crying" this books has its own approach on how to parent, which they call attachment parenting. It sounds like a lot of work, but frankly getting up to hold your baby and rock it to sleep is a lot more rewarding then lying in bed, seething, waiting for a 6 month old to cry it out. Like every book on parenting I've read, it is pretty assumptive about gender roles, but if you want to be an informed and involved dad, you have to learn to wade through that sorta thing and try not to let it prevent you from recognizing otherwise sound advice.

The Discipline Book

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you."

- Philip Larkin

In moments of great stress with a toddler, you will revert to the style of discipline practiced by your parents. I've always thought my parents made great disciplining choices with us, but I wanted to be able to make my own, considered choices - and in the moment with a cranky/stubborn/mischievous child you better have some kind of system in place so you don't just react. This book deals with the different styles of discipline and shows when each is appropriate. Another Dr. Sears book, and if the very phrase "attachment parenting" make you think "I don't want my children to walk all over me" you might want to take a look at this book.

The Baby Signing Book

I'll be honest, I don't use this book that much anymore. But that's mostly because I know more than half the signs in it, and I've moved on to online ASL dictionaries which are more detailed, and often have videos of the signs being, um, signed. Still, even though some of these signs seems to be incorrect (at least according to online dictionaries) this book solidified my commitment to sign with Lucy, which is definitely in my Top 5 Things to To with Your Baby. The Bug can tell entire "stories" by combining her signs and "words".