Unsollicited Advice Part 2 - Dads.

Here's my Dad to be /Not Pregnant Partner advice, in no particular order.

1. Know Your Shit.

Read every book she does, then some ones on fatherhood. You don't need to know what kind of medication she can take for that flu, but it's great to know where in the book that info is so you can look it up in a jiffy. Know about the baby blues, and that it will almost certainly affect your partner. Know as much as you can.

2. Babies Can Hear at 16 weeks
And by week 24 the ear is fully formed. So by month 5 at the latest, start talking to the baby. Its the one of the only ways you can connect with the baby and is so rewarding. Every other night from month 5 on, I would sing "Summertime" and "Safe and Sound" and talk a bit to Lucy. I was tempted to sing all kinds of different songs, but sticking with just one or two elicited strong and more consistent reactions. When she was born, she started to cry when the doctor put her down on the scale to weigh her. As soon as I started to sing "Summertime" she stopped crying. For the first 8 months of her life, I could get a 5-10 minute respite (enough to warm up some formula) of hungry-angry crying by scooping her up and singing "Safe and Sound." And before bed I still sing her "Summertime" when she's in my arms having her bedtime bottle. This is one of the best ways to wind down at the end of my day, and having a connection with her that extends to her time in utero is pretty magical for me.

3. Massage

Before singing to The Bug I would massage SC. Just 5-10 minutes of very gentle circular clockwise strokes on SC's tummy. The Bug learned to anticipate my massage and would squirm and push, sometimes being soothed, sometimes getting riled up (the singing always calmed her down). As a bonus, massaging the tummy helped SC with the ongoing felling of being stretched to tight in the tummy.


4. Domesticate Yourself Now
To be honest, I'm still working on this one. But expect to pick up the slack for any household chores that she did pre pregnancy. Start taking on as many chores as you can now, and know that without a maid, post-partum doula, or live in relative helping out, the house is going to be a disaster for a while. And that's okay I currently try to make dinner once a night, with enough leftovers to provide a second evening meal. I also get up at 5am to clean and put away dishes from previous night and make breakfast for SC and The Bug. I still need to pick up my end of the bigger cleaning chores (vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, oven, fridge). That said, I do get up at 4am once a week to make the drive out to Cambridge to drop The Bug off at her Gran's for childcare.

5. Get a Sling

Using a fabric sling give dads a real opportunity for day to day bonding with their babies. The baby gets to smell you, hear your voice and heartbeat, feel the rhythm of you walk. This turns a trip to the drugstore for whatever you've run out of into bonding time. At home, I'd sometime take my shirt off and wrap The Bug up cradled against my chest, and walk up and down the hall to get her to sleep. I was worried that a single piece of fabric would be too flimsy, but I'm now convinced that they are way safer than bulkier carriers. With fabric, you can feel every move the baby makes, and if the fabric feels loose (which can happen after several hours of use) you can simply tighten the knot.
Babies love Nuit Blanche. And single malt.